How to Have a No-Strings Attached Affair

One of the basic facts about relationships and marriage is that sometimes, one or both parties will have an extra-marital affair. The reasons for the affair may vary greatly, but affairs are simply a fact of life that will probably never go away. Another basic fact about affairs is that there are usually strings attached. No-strings attached affairs are basically unheard of, and even if you are lucky enough to stumble into one, there's still a chance of getting caught.

The reason no-strings attached affairs are so rare is because when you have an affair you're dealing with another human. And humans have feelings and emotions and minds that are prone to changing at any given moment. In many cases, people have affairs with someone who isn't also married. They might tell you they're only in it for physical reasons, or that they'd never jeopardize your family life, but things can change. It isn't that uncommon for an unmarried participant in an affair to develop feelings and want you to leave your spouse.

Talk about strings! What are you supposed to do when all you wanted was a temporary escape or a feeling of being wanted and now this person wants to be with you for real? Meeting someone by chance or reconnecting with someone on social media to have an affair will rarely result in a clean break when you're ready. And if that person happens to be single with nothing to lose, you can be pretty much assured it won't end in a clean break.

The key to really finding a no-strings attached affair is to find someone who wants the same things as you and has the same amount to lose as you. The best way to do that is to find a structured system that connects married people with other married people. Some people refer to these as "married dating" services, which is essentially what they are.

The primary benefit of a married dating service is that you can have your affair and you can have it with absolutely no strings attached. Think of all the possible ways that being caught having an affair can mess up your life. What would it do to your reputation or your finances? What would your kids think?

If you really feel that there is no other option but to have an affair, be smart about it and find the perfect person through a reputable married dating service. You will be so happy that you did.

How to Tell If Someone Is Cheating - Tips and Advice

Have a great girl? In fact, it's so great she is having rows of men trying to get your attention, or worse, convince her to take off her clothes. It could be them just wanting to be platonic friends. Or they could be intruders.

What to do? "Everything begins with having rules, open communication and strategies on how to proceed,". The following tips will help you find a suspect and keep your territory without making you a maniac. Your love life could depend on it.

At the Workplace

Worry when it is focused on pleasing him, not doing his job. Do not worry if he is a kind mentor. Their motives may be sincere, and if she is happy at work, be happy at home.

Your move: Talk to her, not about your own topics. If she sees you reclaim a subject, it will become defensive and will not see anything negative, just to prove that you're wrong. You can say "think your boss is helping a lot. How's that? "

Her and ex are still friends

Worry when they talk frequently and secretly. Do not worry when you have a 15-minute phone call once a year. Your move: Calmly: "I have a problem with that relationship, because I do not understand. Can you tell me what's going on? " You're not being invasive, you're just asking for information. An ultimatum may cause resentment or rupture.

The ex still yearns for her

Worry when they drop your name in a subtle or obvious comparison with you. If he promoted the break, there is a possibility that she kept it in her fantasy. Do not worry when they are just fond memories, the deception could be just in your head. Your move: Say "I need you safe." She will respond that you are definitely your man. If you pause, continue with "I'm not trying to control you. I just want to be with someone who knows what she wants. " She needs to realize that there is something to fix. If not, it ends.

Worry when he knows intimate details of her life. It is likely to be shared in both directions. The relationship must be friendly, not familiar. Part of his job is to give value and attention. Your move: Again, show your discomfort and observe their response. If she says "I did not realize it," not looking for the kind attention and respect your feelings. If you get defensive, it could be a problem, so wait a few weeks and see how it goes.

The suitor in love Worry when she ignores the situation because she hates the discussions. That's bad for your relationship, because the issue will recur. Your move: If you've given an opportunity to do things at their own pace, let them know you're uncomfortable.

Offer your help. If she allows, meet with the guy: put your arm around her and introduce yourself as her boyfriend. That should be enough. If not, say "I had better limit your contact with her." Be firm, without gang tactics. These are all good ways how to tell if someone is cheating.

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Surviving Infidelity and Saving Your Relationship

Infidelity is by far, according to statistics, the leading cause of divorce throughout the world. For those people in marriages, you will agree that it is very difficult, almost impossible to survive betrayal. Surviving infidelity is now possible. It is for this very reason that most marriages usually end up in divorces. Nevertheless, this does not mean it is without a solution. Unfaithfulness can be survived.

Simply put, infidelity is the breach of the marriage contract. That is a relationship between couples. This can occur in different ways. It may be sexual or emotional; either way there is still the breach of trust not to mention the heartbreak involved.

The first step to avoiding or surviving this cheating is getting a better understanding of the different types of unfaithfulness.

Learning to trust again is another major step to survival. Trust acknowledges the fact that this may not only be the fault of one person but the couple. It is important to realize how far you have deviated from your marriage vows. This could be as a result of the pressures at work or even the marriage life, take for example the children.

With trust comes perseverance. Getting back to the lovey-dovey stages of your marriage is very possible. All it needs is time and communication. This will slowly build your broken relationship piece by piece to the happy couple you once was. Yet again, without forgiveness, this may just seem like a dream. Forgiveness should be more mental than verbal in order to erase disloyalty.

In the case of habitual cheating, forgiveness though possible, squaring off may be considered detrimental. This because it may lead to the development of a deviant character which may be unfair to the rest of the people involved in the relationship take for example the children and the victimized spouse. Such disorders could get so serious to the extent that the culprit actually finds pleasure in leading another clandestine relationship most commonly referred to as cheating.

While this behavior can be stopped at its early stages, if something is not done to impede it, addiction could be the result of it. This would mean that even though the culprit is be willing to change, it may be very difficult or even totally impossible. Sadly, this helpless situation calls for neither reconciliation nor trust but separation.

Even so, it is a proven fact that infidelity can be survived at any stage of the marriage. As long as there is trust, the realization that it is not the fault of one but the couple, patience, perseverance and understanding in a relationship, nothing is impossible. Surviving infidelity is now possible.

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Even Though He Cheated, I Feel Like My Husband Needs My Help

I often hear from wives who are very conflicted. On the one hand, they are furious that their husbands have admitted to cheating and having an affair. But on the other hand, they feel that his cheating was motivated by his present struggles. And this can bring out protective feelings or an urge to want to help him, which many people admittedly find a bit odd.

I heard from a wife who said: "I know that this is crazy, but I actually want to help my husband right now because I know that he is absolutely lost. For the last couple of years, he has watched his mother waste away from cancer. He has watched his father grieve. And a couple of months ago, he had his own health scare and faced a very serious diagnosis himself. I have felt for him and I have tried to help him but he was very distant. Last week, he came home, collapsed and started sobbing and telling me that he had cheated on me with a coworker. He said the relationship lasted for three weeks. This seems like an affair to me, but he denies it. He tells me about twenty times per day how sorry he is and asks if I can ever forgive him. He says he's just not himself and just not functioning correctly with all that he has been going through. I want to help him. My heart goes out to him. Don't get me wrong, I am so angry with him, but I also know that he needs me now more than ever and I'm not ready to turn my back on him. Am I crazy? Because my friends all say that I am."

My heart really went out to this couple and I have a definite opinion on this, which I will now discuss.

Why I Don't Think It's Crazy To Acknowledge That Your Husband Needs You After His Struggles Lead To Cheating: I am pretty open about the fact that I believe that cheating and affairs often come when men are struggling in some way. Often, they are trying to push down these struggles and the affair is their ill advised way of dealing with them. I often get criticized for that because people think that I am making excuses for the cheating. I'm not. I'm not saying that a man's struggles make it OK for him to cheat. They don't. But I do believe that it is notable that these struggles are often a major part of their life at that time. And I know that this knowledge can often help to answer the faithful's spouse's need to know why this happened.

Some wives will reject their husband during the struggles that lead to an affair. Others will not. I think that both responses are perfectly valid. And I don't think it's at all crazy to realize that he needs you when he is struggling, even if those struggles lead to something regrettable. But here's a distinction that I believe is important. Just because he needs you (and you want to support him,) this doesn't mean that you won't need to deal with the aftermath of the cheating. And it doesn't mean that he is not responsible for his actions.

You Can Support Him And Still Need To Address The Cheating: I believe that supporting him when he is struggling doesn't mean that he should get a free pass for his cheating. Yes, he is going through a rough time that would tax even the most well adjusted person. It is understandable that you would want to help and support him. However, if you use his struggles as an excuse for his cheating and you forgive him without any making rehabilitation mandatory, you might be sending a message that you might later regret. It's important to understand that infidelity hurts a marriage even if you understand the reasonings behind it. So no matter how much you might sympathize with him and support him, both of you will need to understand that you may have some work to do on your marriage and on restoring the trust. Because you don't want for him to act out or cheat every time he goes through rough times.

The husband could likely use some help learning to cope while you could use some reassurance that he will not cheat again. So while I absolutely understand (and even commend) this wife wanting to be there for her husband during this very difficult time, I also felt that it was vital that they also place their focus on healing and rehabilitation. The cheating is a reality that you can not ignore, but it is also sometimes a cry for help.

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He Said He Lied About The Affair Because He Knew It Would Ruin Our Marriage

I sometimes hear from wives who are absolutely baffled that their husband is justifying his lying about his infidelity by saying that keeping the truth from his wife was helping to save the marriage. Needless to say, not many wives buy this. But that doesn't keep the husbands from continuing to use this excuse.

I heard from a wife who said: "about eight months ago, I noticed that my husband was very cold and distant. Our marriage deteriorated to the point where he was almost never home and it was obvious that our marriage was not his priority. Things got so bad that I told him that if he wouldn't go to counseling, I was going to leave and take our children. This seemed to get his attention. He agreed to go to counseling. While in counseling I made it clear that I was very aware that there was something going on with my husband. Obviously, something serious had been going on with him that was causing him to distance himself from our family. At that point, I even confronted him about cheating or there being someone else. And he denied it. He finally said that things weren't going well at his business and that he was under a lot of stress. He started participating in counseling more and things got a little better. Well, a couple of days ago, I got an email from a woman who said that she has been cheating with my husband. Needless to say, I went ballistic and demanded to know why my husband would lie to me, the counselor, and to himself. He said he lied to save our marriage. He said he knew that the cheating was going to hurt me, and since it's over, he knew that keeping quiet gave us a chance to save our marriage. But he said that he also knew that if he told the truth, it would ruin our marriage. I don't know what to make of this. Of course I want to save our marriage. But his excuse just doesn't ring true with me and it makes me furious."

I completely understand where this wife was coming from. Recovering from infidelity is very difficult. And one of the main issues is restoring the trust. However, restoring the trust is going to be very difficult when a husband continues to lie or lied about the cheating when he had every opportunity to tell the truth. With all of this said, the wife wanted to know if the husband's excuse (that he lied to save the marriage) was a valid one. I have a definite opinion which I'll discuss below.

Why I Don't Think His Excuse Is Valid, But Why He Might: Admittedly, I'm not very objective about this. As a wife who has been cheated on, I don't think that there are many (if any) valid excuses for cheating on your wife. And continuing to lie about it is also inexcusable to me. But with this said, I dialog with so many men in this situation that I believe I understand what they are thinking. And their thought process goes something like this: they are thinking that your marriage is already so damaged that you are in counseling to save it. They understand that your marriage is extremely fragile right now and what you need is something that is going to help it rather than to hurt it. So, their thought process can tell them that it would be pretty stupid to disclose the cheating when you are already almost ready to walk out the door with your children in tow.

And they will often tell themselves that they will give counseling their all and improve the marriage so that this sort of makes up for the cheating. After all, they think, isn't it better to give you a happy and strong marriage rather than to give you the harsh reality that you are now dealing with cheating? Much of the time, they are sure that once you know about the cheating, the marriage will be over. I am not saying that their thought process is correct. But I am sharing it with you because I believe these insights may help you to understand what you are dealing with.

How To Proceed When He's Giving You This Excuse: It's my opinion that although you can't turn back the clock and make him tell you the truth, you can very directly address this topic right now so that it does not continue. A suggested script might be something like: "I hear that you are saying that you thought your lying would save our marriage, but you thought wrong. You've actually harmed our marriage even more. But if you are sincere and you do want to save our marriage, then you need to start telling me nothing but the truth from today forward. Because if you don't, then I'm not going to be able to trust you. And if I can't trust you, then we do not have a marriage at all."

Many men will understand this and will start to tell the truth since there's no reason to continue to lie. At this point, you know everything and continuing to lie is only going to deteriorate the marriage further. At that point, it will be your decision if you want to give him another chance or not. And while I agree with you that this excuse isn't a valid one and that there's really no excuse to lie and to cheat, I can also tell you that this thought process is a very common one and it is also one that can be overcome.

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How To Decide Which Relationship You Want

Most people who are in two or more intimate relationships suffer huge psychological stress and oscillate violently between partners. If you are one of these people your life will be like a roller coaster ride which becomes increasingly difficult to get off. Having taught Motivational Psychotherapy for over 20 years as well as carrying a busy private practice I have seen people make the most amazing changes. Here are some ideas from Motivational Psychotherapy that will help you choose between partners.

Motivational Psychotherapy aims to "kick start intrinsic motivation". In a nutshell this means that instead of me telling you that you need to do something, (for example stop smoking, get more exercise or choose between partners), I get you to tell you that you should do something. This is usually completely different from what happens in "real life" where we are bombarded with advice and opinions from others. The theory goes that unless we really want to change we usually don't. So, how can you decide which relationship to end?

Well, for starters let's agree that I actually don't know, and there's a high chance that nobody else does either. In fact other people usually make things worse by telling you what they would do. The best person to work out what to do is you, but of course that is not easy. Motivational Psychotherapy aims to free up your thinking so that you can concentrate more freely and give yourself some much needed advice and make the right changes. So here goes. Be prepared for your thinking to be freed up.

Here are a couple of exercises that will help:

A Letter From You From The Future

A version of this has become popular through brief therapy approaches. This is the original and works much better. Imagine, if you will, 2 years from today and your life is great. You have resolved all your problems, made good decisions regarding your relationships and for the first time in ages feel happy and contented. Write yourself a letter, as you might to a close best friend, outlining what helped you get through this difficult time, how you made the right decisions and how you coped with the increased responsibility and stress that it takes to end a relationship. Be open and honest with yourself.

If you find yourself writing that you need a good metaphorical kick up the back side, you probably do, if you are writing that you think you are going crazy and need to see a doctor, don't waste any time. Give yourself at least an hour where you will not be disturbed and start writing to yourself. If you do it properly you will be amazed at what you find tumbling out.

Scrutinize Your Goals and Values

Here's another exercise that lots of people find useful. For a moment put your immediate concerns on one side and just write out a list of what is important to you, both in terms of life long goals and your own personal values. Be as honest and open as you like as nobody is ever going to see this list. If it's important to you to make a million dollars, write it down, if it's important to have a family of your own, write it down. Whatever your goals are and whatever you value in life be honest and write out your own list.

Once you have done that, go back to your immediate dilemma. Whether it's about lifestyle changes or in this case, choosing the right partner and ending a relationship, your list of personal goals and values should positively influence your decision making process.

I hope these ideas help. If you are still struggling with difficult decisions and making the right changes in your life, talking to a good, qualified and experienced motivational psychotherapist will almost certainly help. There are many exercises like this, it's just a matter of finding which ones work for you.

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My Husband Left Us To Go And Live With The Other Woman - How Do I Forgive?

I sometimes hear from wives who aren't sure that their family will ever be able to heal after their husband chose the other woman over his wife and over his family. The wife often doubts that she will ever be able to forgive this betrayal in order to move on.

I heard from a wife who said: "my husband cheated with someone who he met online. At first, I thought that it was only a fleeting indiscretion but it soon became clear that he was serious about her. He told me that he wasn't sure if he could give her up and I told him that he was going to have to choose because he couldn't have us both. Well, he very reluctantly chose me but then he continued to see her behind my back. I became furious and told him that it was her or me. And, much to my horror, he chose her. He moved out of our house and left our children and went to live with her. This didn't last for very long. After a few weeks, he came home crying that he had made a mistake and begging for my forgiveness. But I don't think that I can ever offer that forgiveness because he chose that hag over our family. Over our children. I would never put anyone or anything above our family. And now I am in a situation where I have to decide if I'm going to have my kids live without their dad because I can't forgive or if I'm going to try to find a way to make it work. But, forgiveness is a big thing for me. And I just can't see ever being able to forgive this."

I believe that any one could understand the wife's reasoning. She felt guilty about her reluctance to forgive, but I didn't think she had anything to feel guilty about. She was dealing with the situation as best as she could. And I felt she was doing a great job. While I couldn't decide for her if she should forgive, I could give her some insights, which I will share now.

You Don't Have To Follow Anyone's Timeline But Your Own. You Don't Need To Be In Any Hurry To Come To A Decision About Forgiveness: Needless to say, this husband wanted for his wife to offer swift forgiveness and to take him back in. But frankly, the wife was in control of her own time line. They were both concerned about their children, but nothing said that the husband could not have access to his children or that they could not have family time without the wife having come to a decision about forgiveness. Frankly, it was probably just too soon to even think about forgiveness. The wife was going to need to see his remorse level and his future behaviors before she could even think about that.

So she might want to make this clear to her husband by saying something like: "I hear what you are saying, but you need to understand that I am going to need a lot more time before I can even consider forgiveness. I need time to see what is going to happen and to evaluate how I feel. For now, just know that the kids are as important to me as they are to you. But your actions have left us with a lot of healing to do. I have a lot of anger for the way that you basically abandoned us and choose her over us. So you are going to have to show us that you are now putting us above everything and everyone else and you are going to have to do this for longer than just a short period of time. I am going to take it one day at a time. And I hope that you will too. I am going to ask you to respect me enough to not pressure me or try to make me feel guilty. I am hoping for the best but I need time to process this fully. Please respect this."

When You Are Ready, Know That Forgiveness Is For Your Benefit Instead Of His: I don't want for you to feel pressured about this in any way. Any decision that you make should be yours alone and should come in your own time. But I can also tell you that forgiveness (when it's given freely and when enough time has passed) can be extremely freeing. It can feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders and it can help you begin to leave all of this behind. It's also important to know that you can forgive him and not remain in a relationship with him. So, this wife might decide that although her marriage just can't be saved, she could still offer forgiveness in order to free herself.

With that said, there are many women who both forgive and save the marriage. But neither scenario is right for everyone. The real question is which is right for you. The bottom line is that you get to say who you forgive and who you do not. You also get to say when it all happens. You are in control. This is your decision to make and you should not let any one rush or pressure you. But, I know first hand that forgiveness is very powerful and it can help to fully release the strong hold that this situation has over you.

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Surviving an Affair: Some Thoughts

The shock and pain that accompanies surviving an affair is something that over half of all marriages experience. The betrayed party suffers exceptional feelings of worthlessness and rage, often choosing to abandon the marriage altogether. There are, however, many parties who decide to remain together, seeking to reconnect with each other and re-establish trust. This is often a slow, painful process, but one that may, with a bit of patience and understanding, result in reconciliation. Here are some ways that assist with surviving an affair.

Often, people think that it is the exclusive responsibility of the innocent spouse to forgive the betrayal, and heal the marriage. There are, however, many steps the guilty party can take for saving the relationship. The first step involves empathy. He or she must take full responsibility for their dishonesty and express regret and remorse to their partner. This shows that a willingness to discard all elements of the previous dalliance. It will also establish a firm foundation for the other steps to follow.

Contrary to popular views, a full and honest discussion about the infidelity will assist in promoting honesty in the marriage. Often, people shy away from this strategy, as they feel that disclosing intimate information about their cheating may serve to unnecessarily hurt the betrayed partner. This candidness does, however, prevent the betrayed partner from falling into destructive patterns of thinking obsessively about the liaison.

The innocent party does, however, face greater challenges in forgiving the betrayal. Amidst all the rage and anguish, it is vital for this person calmly acquire all the details that are needed to form a clear impression of why and how the affair occurred. From this point, he or she must also provide honest information about the emotional and psychological impact of the cheating. They should discuss the personal consequences broken trust openly and clearly.

Often, it is a good idea to take some time apart. This strategy is exceptionally helpful for the betrayed spouse. By going away for some time, this person will be able to extract him/herself from the fraught situation, and assess it from a more distant, and objective viewpoint. At this time, it is vital to seek counsel from friends and family.

It is important to not forgive too quickly or too easily. Often, betrayed spouses seek quick-fix healing by forgiving before they are ready. It takes much time, and regular counseling, to resolve those issues of anger and mistrust. Therefore, spouses must only offer forgiveness when they are ready to do so.

Couples must also take some time to discuss other things. This will help them re-establish old, enjoyable habits and activities. With time, these different strategies will assist in surviving an affair.

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Marriage Affairs: Definitions and Reasons

Money issues, health problems and misunderstandings about children are some of the common issues that arise in marriage affairs. If these problems are not well dealt with, they can see the union going down the drain. All the parties involved basically have to work towards this.

There is nothing more painful than finding out that your partner is not honoring your union. Matrimony is a sacred business and should be accorded enough respect from both parties involved. Healing from any cheating in the nuptial is usually very difficult and it basically requires commitment from both parties if that matrimony is to be saved. It is not always guaranteed that the initial trust will be gained because this is very difficult to regain.

Infidelity is a common practice in most of the unions. Regularly referred to as cheating, it can be defined as a breach of respect to the union. It usually involves a partner having sexual relationship with another person outside the nuptial. This can be really devastating keeping in mind the fact that sexual intercourse should be exclusively be between the two in the union.

Adultery is yet another from of extramarital sex by one or both partners. Adultery is considered to be legal offense in some states and could lead to serious consequences in case of divorce. It refers to the act of on of the parties or even both of them wandering outside the union to have sexual pleasure s somewhere else.

For one to be able to perform all these acts without necessarily being found, great lying skills are really required. It is a form of deception and involves one portraying false perceptions and thoughts in order to manipulate the thinking of the other partner. This practice can continue for as long as the person involved is much careful.

There could be various reasons as to why someone ought to wander outside a matrimonial union. The partners might not be satisfying each other well sexually leading to one looking for pleasure somewhere else. Such issues only create mistrust in relationships.

There is nothing worse than marital pain so this should not be a repeated act. A mistake is only termed so if it is done once. Once repeated, this surely could be a serious problem with the person involved. There's an old saying that goes "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". This adage would certainly seem appropriate for any marriage affair.

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