Why Do Spouses Cheat?

It is an unfortunate circumstance when a spouse cheats. A recent study shows that one in 2.7 men will cheat on their wives and the wives will never know it happened. Cheating is seen as wrong and violation of a marriage, but it still happens, often. Why?

The number one reason men cheat has nothing to do with sex, but is predicated on a lack of emotional connection in the marriage. While men try not to come off as emotional, they often are and a feeling of being under-appreciated can manifest itself by seeking the attention of another woman.

This is not say it is the fault of the wife. With responsibilities piling up like kids, chores, bills, expectations, couples naturally drift apart. Men and women deal with that in different ways. Men cheat to find fulfillment.

Men often do not cheat with women who are more attractive either. Most of the time, men cheat with women who look much like their wives because they are finding women who are interested in them, their lives, jobs, etc. and that is the connection that is made.

The trouble with men cheating is that most lie about it. Often times there are large lies and deceit associated with cheating. Only seven percent of men admit to cheating to their wives. This means that not only are spouses cheating, but they are lying about it and that compounds the problem.

Often times when spouses cheat, it is something that just sort of occurs. Many do not plan to sleep with someone else. They develop a strong friendship or bond with someone and it falls into a physical relationship. The picture painted of cheaters is that they are out looking for sex, but usually, someone just finds a friend that they connect with well.

There are some signs that a person is cheating or is about the cheat. The spouse spends more time away from home, there is less sex in the marriage, they avoid eye contact, they do not answer phone calls, and they are more critical of the other person.

These are indicators that there is something wrong in the marriage that could lead the other person to find emotional comfort with someone else.

When a spouse cheats, it is a horrible betrayal. The reason why is often associated with emotional fulfillment and those need to be addressed early before an affair starts.

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Relationship Problems - Understanding the Infidelity Equation!

One of the biggest factors that will drive a marriage to the brink of disaster is trying to change your partner! If you have been guilty of pursuing that counterproductive course of action you may as well stop because not only will your efforts prove unsuccessful, but they will also destroy your marriage! You can't change your partner, only he can change himself! Honestly, has all your pleading prodding, begging and threatening stopped him from cheating? If you don't fix the underlying issues that caused him to stray in the first place, he'll continue with the status quo - even if he has to accomplish it covertly. The only way to get your husband to stop cheating is by changing your self! Sure, you can act rashly by pulling the plug and filing for divorce; however, without investing in some personal growth and development, you won't learn a thing. And, you'll probably attract another cheater the next time around as well. In my opinion, if you change your side of the equation, in all likelihood, your partner will do the same.

I like to think of a troubled marriage as an equation such as B + B= UNHAPPY MARRIAGE. Now, having said that let me pose a hypothetical for a moment; if one side of the equation were to change the other will change, and we end with A+A=HAPPY MARRIAGE. So, how do you change the equation? Well, let's look at the situation from your husband's perspective. First, let me say that regardless of how he perceives his infidelity, it is wrong. But, if you want to save your marriage, you must step into his shoes for a moment. In his mind, infidelity is a solution for fulfilling the emotional needs that you've failed to deliver. Take a few moments to reflect on this. I'll bet you can uncover the fears and insecurities that pushed him out the door. Fear of abandonment or intimacy, jealousy, control, or low self-esteem issues are often the culprits responsible.

Realistically speaking, you want your husband to change his cheating behavior, and he wants you to stop controlling his every move, being jealous of his friendships, being fearful of him leaving you, and to become a confident women. However, both you and your husband are resistant to change. So, can you see where this is going? It's all about change isn't it! So, how do you get your partner to change? Well, first let me say that people are resistant to change because someone else is forcing or manipulating them to take action. Remember, you can't change him! Prodding, pleading, arguing, and threatening him will not work. Only he can change himself.

Now, you may be skeptical, and in fact you may even be thinking that your husband can't change! If that's what's running through your mind, I would like to offer the following statement; HE ALREADY DID CHANGE! Initially, your husband was the loving, caring, faithful, and understanding person that you wanted, and you made a connection with him that ultimately blossomed into marriage. However, somewhere along the line your husband changed, didn't he? Just so happens the change he made didn't make a positive contribution to the marriage, did it? Therefore, he did change! And it's possible for him to change again. However, if you truly want to save your marriage, you must change the only part of the equation that you can - yours! If you change, it is highly likely that your husband will follow your lead. HENCE A+A=HAPPY MARRIAGE!

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Marriage Affair: Common Problems You May Face

A marriage affair breaks the commitment made by both partners. There is nothing heartbreaking than finding out that the one you love is actually having extra pleasure outside your union. Extramarital issues include those activities like extramarital sex, infidelity and adultery.

Adultery refers to the act of having sexual relationships outside a union. This practice can be really devastating to a partner. The common factor which leads to such unfaithful acts could be the fact that the involved person might not be obtaining enough sexual pleasure from the union. This drives them to look for satisfaction somewhere else.

Adultery can really cause adverse effects to matrimony. Healing from such unfaithful act is usually very difficult not unless the culprit is remorseful for the act. To save such a union must have the drive to do so. This calls for commitment and a lot of trust which might not be fully recovered in some situations.

Extramarital sex is more or less the same as adultery. This practice is condemned by most religious councils and is considered a satanic act. Some states have laws involving the act and if one is found guilty, severe penalties can be incurred. Such an act is very common in the society and it only true love can deter any of the partners from wandering outside. Commitment is a requirement in every union.

Infidelity is also another from of cheating. It can involve either physical or emotional intimacy outside matrimony. It is more than having extramarital sex and can include such acts like lying, disloyalty and betrayal of trust. Every culture has it own vies about this act. What is common though is that it is unaccepted in a matrimonial union.

Any form of cheating tends to bring mistrust in a matrimonial union. Partners are expected to remain exclusives of each other and not philander outside the union. Mending a union after such acts can really be tricky in most cases. It all depends on the partners if the union is worth saving after all. In cases where children are involved, Strong considerations must be considered before opting out.

Recovering from unfaithfulness in marriage affair is quite the same as picking up the pieces after a stormy breakup of a relationship. Complete trust is usually very difficult to obtain after such scenarios. It requires the complete commitment from both parties in order to recover from a marriage affair and save the relationship.

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Why Do People Judge Affairs

Affairs, whether extramarital or not face lots of judgment from the society. Most people feel that the judging is not sensible since the individuals getting into the affairs are grown ups and have their own minds to make decisions in life. The society will always have something to say as far as the affairs are concerned to the dislike of many people.

There is no greater pain than the pain of being cheated on and the consequences that come with the cheating can be devastating. Marriage is an institution that is meant to last for a lifetime but the affairs have slowly crept into it making it hard for marriages to survive the test of time. As much as people hate the judging that come with the affairs, nothing less should be expected from the society because of the belief that it has on marriage.

Affairs are of different kinds and different people get into them because of different reasons. There are some who run away from pain and fear surrounding their marriages and found refuge in the affairs. The affairs have proved to be much more than just sex as they come complete with deeper emotions. It is why most people will stay in them till that dreadful day they get caught. The affairs are a way of reviving individuals who feel dead in the marriages which is why the judgment is condemned by many.

Since the Mature Dating seem to be helpful but at the same time very wrong and individuals need to take every detail into consideration. It is not enough to be selfish as not to think about the other person and how she or he will feel on finding out about the affair. The individuals are for sure old enough to make decisions but the rest of the aspects to the affair need to be considered. The individual also needs to be prepared for the consequences which will come from the affair.

Most people easily judge the affairs as they put themselves in the shoes of the victim and feel their pain. They therefore feel they have the right to judge the cheats and harshly for that matter for causing the pain and suffering. This is something that is not about to change and people will always judge the affairs. It all depends on how prepared individuals are to face the consequences of their actions.

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The Harsh Judgment Affairs Get Compared to Other Flaws

Extramarital affairs have increased with time and they face harsh judgment from the society at large. Even though human beings have plenty of other flaws, being caught in an extramarital affair seems to be the worst as far as society judging is concerned. Individuals getting into the affairs are either running from marriage troubles and conflict or simply have the need to test the waters elsewhere.

The harsh judgment is not about to die out and therefore individuals thinking of getting into the extramarital affairs need to know what to expect from the society as well as the consequences from their partners. The affairs have greater consequences compared to the rest of the flaws natural to humans which could be why they get judged so harshly. Below are some of the consequences:

Self esteem damage: this is on the part of the individual whose spouse cheats. They end up with lots of questions about where they went wrong, failed or never met their partner's needs. The children in the picture will also tend to put the blame on themselves and this has negative effects on their self esteem.

Lack of trust: the victim in the affair will suffer great difficulties when it comes to trust and even though they could make up after the affair, the thoughts that spouse could be cheating again will always arise. The same happens when the marriage ends since the individual will find it hard to trust potential partners. Unless one gets professional help, it can be hard to move on after a divorce or separation.

Sense of instability: the cheater will feel crumbled up in his own world after getting caught and will feel that the security he or she felt in life has suddenly been shuttered. It becomes hard to even face friends and family after the exposure and most people sink to their lowest point leaving them with that awful unstable feeling deep inside. It calls for great effort to get up again.

Hurt feelings: after the exposure, both parties will go through a lot of pain. This is the pain that makes it hard for the victim to forgive and the marriage ends in a painful divorce. The pain is definitely too much to handle and the victim will always feel like running away and if things are not resolved fast, affair only gets worse. Remember relation calls for great effort to get up again.

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I Want The Other Woman To Look Me In The Eye And Apologize - Am I Wrong?

I sometimes hear from wives who are adamant that they want a face to face meeting with the woman who cheated with their husband because she wants a heartfelt apology. I heard from a wife who said: "I actually knew the other woman. She lives in our neighborhood and she works out at our gym. It's not as if we are next door neighbors or best friends or anything like that. But we are acquaintances. I was in a car accident and in the hospital when she came over with a covered dish and obviously with something else for my husband and this is how the affair started.

I feel so betrayed and hurt by this. When I was the most vulnerable, this nasty woman took advantage of this and then started an affair with my husband. As soon as I found out, my husband said he would immediately end things and even move if I wanted. Well, I don't want to move. This is my home. If anyone should move, it is her. What I really want is for her to come into my home or the scene of the crime so to speak, look me in the eye, and give me a heartfelt apology. Because I really want to ask her how she could come into an injured and hospitalized woman's home and behave this way. However, when I shared my thoughts with my husband, he felt that this was a bad idea. He said why even continue to have any contact at all with her and he said that he feels that she won't be apologetic anyway. Is he right? Do I deserve an apology? Should I demand one?"

Although You Deserve An Apology, She May Not Have The Desire To Offer You One: Here is my opinion as someone who has been there. I absolutely believe that you deserve an apology and I understand why you want one. You feel as if you need to look her in the eye and make her understand how heinous and deplorable her actions actually were. You want to see at least some form of remorse or acknowledgement in her eyes. Unfortunately though, it's my observation that you are rarely going to get what you need from her, especially in this case. Think about it. We are talking about a woman who is so calculating and ruthless that she was preying on a husband with a wife in the hospital. (I'm not saying that the husband is not partly to blame but clearly, he did not initiate the contact.)

Another consideration is that very often, she will be defensive. Often, she will set it up so that the wife is in some way to blame. You often hear women who are fond of cheating with married men say things like: "well if she would have taken care of her husband, she wouldn't have had to worry about me." Or "well if she had kept her man happy, then no other woman could have turned his head." I am not saying that these phrases or accurate and not downright nasty, but this is what you will often hear.

By Asking For An Apology, You're Letting Her Into Your Life. And You Might Not Get The Closure That You're Hoping For When You're Dealing With Someone Like This: Frankly, initiating contact with her is, at least in my opinion, continuing to allow her into your life. I know that you hope that you might gain some ground or reclaim your self esteem if you look at her eye to eye. But if I am being honest with you, I have to tell you that these meetings often do not go well and they do not provide the closure that the wife usually hopes for. Sometimes, the other woman will be downright nasty and will actually try to say the most hurtful things imaginable. Other times, she will try to make it sound like your husband was the aggressor. She might even insinuate that the affair is still going on. Sometimes, she whips out photos and texts. It is not unusual for these meetings to turn into a physical altercation. Who needs that?

My Opinion: It's my opinion that you deserve an apology from two people but you should only seek it from one - your husband. Because moving forward, he is the only one who you should be in continued contact with. Ideally, you want to move on with your life and stop all contact with this woman. But, whether you save your marriage or not, it's a safe bet that, especially if you have children, you will still be in contact with your husband. It is the relationship with him that matters because with a little work, she should only be a tiny blip in your life. Don't give her any more time than she has already taken. Don't allow her to continue to impede into your life and into your mind. Leave her behind and realize that women like this often do not see where they are wrong anyway. And that means that they are not likely to give you the apology that you want.

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How to React When Caught in the Act of Cheating

Wanting to be with someone other than your partner is natural, but giving in to the desire and cheating on them means that the relationship is just not important enough anymore, for love is all about choosing to be with your partner in spite of lust for others. People cheat usually when they have lost interest in their partner, or their partner has lost interest in them. In both situations, cheating on your partner is not the best way out. However, the bigger dilemma is: what to do when you're caught cheating on your partner? Don't worry, help is at bay.

If you cheated on your partner because you had lost interest in them, there is little hope for you because once you don't love your partner the way you did before, it takes a lot of work to fall back in love with the same person. This often comes with harboring expectations from your partner and wanting for them to change, collapsing the true meaning of love which is to accept and cherish your partner the way they are.

In such a case, the first thing to do would be to accept your mistake and apologize. Be honest; talk to your partner about why you did it and tell them that you don't love them the way you did before. Don't accuse your partner of having compelled you to do it, for if you really loved them you would have never done it in the first place-and such a stance never solves problems. If your partner is ready to give you another chance, putting all the guilt aside, think about whether you love this person or not. Don't give it another try just for the sake of making up, for you'll end up hurting them even more. But if you really want to give it another shot because you still find something interesting in your partner then go for it and make sure not to repeat your mistake.

If you cheated on your partner because you had lost interest in them, the most popular excuse would be your partner itself-but remember, that didn't give you a free ticket to cheat on them. The first step instead, is to be honest and be apologetic about what you did. Talk to your partner about their changed behavior or narrowed interest in you, about how that made you feel and then acknowledge that it compelled you to cheat. If your partner understands you and is ready to accept you again, then give your relationship another chance. If not, then breaking up is the best solution because it will keep you from falling into the same problem all over again.

Overall, when you are caught cheating, acknowledging your mistake, apologizing for it and talking about it are the best ways to react. Keep in mind that it's not all about you, but it is about your partner too-and more so, your relationship.

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Infidelity: Potential Underlying Causes

There are several things that may lead to infidelity. Often they are quite simple but if overlooked, they turn tables and lead to breakups and separation. Relationships have to be nurtured for them to work out. Once you are in, it does not sustain itself but the parties involved are instead charged with that responsibility.

Diminishing love which is mostly judged by reduced attention when a spouse gets busier is a major cause of infidelity. People fond of lying are the main victims. This leads to decay of the trust you once established. Lack of trust in any relationship leads to nothing but insecurity. The insecure spouse cheats on you on revenge missions and if you find out you worsen it on the same revenge basis.

Superiority or the feeling of inferiority in a relationship makes one vulnerable to cheating. If one party feels physically or intellectually superior to the other party, then he or she can view such disparity in terms of the a few more privileges to enjoy. In education for instance, a more learned spouse may feel the urge to flirt with mates of the supposed same level. This sometimes ends in a discrete affair without quick realization.

Jealousy is a little, but sometimes a huge cause of insecurity. In work related cases, a change in shift to night shift may stir jealousy especially in housewives. They may feel less attended to, and generally lonely. The reduced attention may lead to secret affairs when one party is struggling for ends meet at work.

Patience is very crucial when especially in a marriage. Time must be taken before fully understanding one spouse. Certain behaviors like smoking and drinking are sometimes hard to quit. Lack of reasonable tolerance may result to cheating since the offended party may be tired of repeated annoyance.

After having a long steady relationship, boredom may be a source of temptations. This may come along with dissatisfaction or with aging. In such cases catalyzed with occasional little flings after work, it is possible to find yourself cheating. This may come to you as a change of routine but may end up to divorce or separation.

If you want a stable successful relationship free from infidelity, then you have to work it out. It is quite simple; keep good communication skills between you. Do the little things that make you have fun and stay happy while together. This way you can resolve any upcoming issues with much ease and sustain a healthy relationship.

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Four Reasons Why You Got Dumped

If you have been dumped of late and feel you have been dealt a rotten hand you are not on your own, you may be relieved to discover it is quite common. Nevertheless this does not make it any the less painful especially when you are not expecting it and confused to the reasons why. If you stick around in the next few minutes you are going to determine not only why this turned out like this but to be able to steer clear of this embarrassing situation taking place ever again.

Let's face it with life in a negative society and continually under financial pressure to make ends meet. However, this is allegedly the most common mistake that couples make is to introduce this negativity into our relationships. There are no benefits here and a sure way to get dumped. It's okay to discuss our problems on occasions but to continually off load all this garbage on our loved ones is not fair. Let's be honest if we started out that way we would have not got past the first date right? So dump the negative thoughts in the garbage and find something to be grateful for. At times we all need to discuss our problems with our partners after all a problem shared is a problem halved right? However there is a massive difference between discussing a problem and complaining about it. Fact every product created started out as a thought or and idea we can create our own world by controlling the way we think.

To listen is a technique that we all blessed with but amazingly enough it is hardly ever used even though this is arguably the most powerful tool to have in your repertoire to avoid getting dumped. We all think we are good listeners right? But if you were cast your mind back to conversations you had with your ex can you remember the questions you asked? What were you talking about? Did you allow your ex to make the point without interrupting? Did you make your ex feel better at the end of the conversation? Listening is something that is essential to avoid getting dumped.

Quality time what is this and how much time should we spend with our partners in order not to get dumped? The answer is simple if you value your relationship you have to make a special effort to be generous with the time you spend with your partner. Turn off the TV and go out for a walk or whatever you feel is the right thing to do with your partner to inspire him or her.

Are you a romantic? If your not you need to address this if you want to avoid getting dumped time after time. A relationship that lacks romance is not really going anywhere. You don't have to make much effort to stimulate romance in your relationship. The chances are you must have started out that way that feeling of passion obsession that most people experience at the start of a relationship why would you not want to retain this feeling? You don't have to go to any extremes just the odd surprise really works.

Let's go over the main points, look for solutions to your problems in a positive way. You can learn more by listening and don't be selfish, be generous with your time for your partner and finally don't forget the romance that is the back bone of a relationship.

Is Cheating Your Sign to End Your Marriage?

The golden rule in marriage is, "if you are ever caught cheating on your spouse the marriage is over." For years this was the same way I felt. Although married; for over 20 years, I remember those infamous words even from my days of dating. Since that time I have come to realize from personal experience, "if I catch you cheating it's over!" are the worst words to speak to your spouse. In today's society we are always looking for signs, whether it is about our health, finances, relationships, destiny, spirituality or simply directions. The purpose for signs are to help in finding what you are looking for or to make sure that you are on the right path. In marriage, there will always be signs for you to read about your spouse. But, one of the biggest mistakes you can make in your marriage is choosing to end your marriage based on the signs, "spouse is cheating" or "spouse caught in an affair".

When you receive either of these two signs in your marriage it hurts. And the pain is a pain that goes real deep in your heart. I know because my wife had an affair and I had to read both of those signs about infidelity in my marriage. For many couples, cheating is your sign that it is time to leave the marriage. On the other hand, for many couples cheating is the sign that there are problems or challenges in the marriage that need resolving, repairing, or restoring. Here are 3 ways to respond to the sign, "spouse caught cheating":

First, you need to ask your spouse, "what is missing in your life that caused you to feel a need to reach outside of the marriage to have the void in your life filled?" Most affairs are emotionally based and when your love tank is empty the natural response is to get it filled. Although you may not agree with the answer that you receive on the question about the void, it is imperative that you respect and value the answer. The key to remember is that you are deciding if you are going to take on the challenge of restoring your marriage. In restoring your marriage, it is important to know if you are able and willing to make sure that the void in your spouse's life does not go unfulfilled again.

Second, you need to ask yourself, "what does my spouse's generational relationship history tell me about him or her?"; Studies have shown that 87% of people whose parents had an affair are most likely to also have an affair. Think about this for a moment that literally means 9 out of 10 people whose parents had an affair will most likely do the same. These numbers give you a better understanding of what your spouse is working against internally. There is 87% of negative energy pulling against your spouse to fall into the same trap as their parents or ancestors. For example, if you knew that high blood pressure ran in your spouse's family, but you did not commit to making sure they ate differently, exercised and watch their blood pressure. Is it fair to say if they were to die young or before their time you could have possibly had a role in their early death?; The goal is to treat emotional sickness and disease the same as we do with physical sickness and disease. This is one of the main reasons it is important to know the generational relationship history in your spouse's life. Having this knowledge upfront gives you the ability to prepare and plan against future emotional catastrophes. Again the sign, "spouse caught cheating" does not necessarily mean divorce.

Third, you need to ask yourself, "how would a divorce affect my dreams and goals?" One of the questions I ask my clients is, "how would your dreams change without your spouse?" If you can honestly be happy and fulfilled without your spouse then what are the reasons you are still in your marriage. Your spouse or your destiny partner as I like to call them should make the world of a difference to your future. This is not to say you cannot reach your goals without them being in your life, but when you get to that place of destiny. It does not look or feel the same without your destiny partner in your life. An affair should never be the only reason you separate destinies, futures or families. Often times I ask people do you think, President Bill Clinton would have been the president if Hilary would have left him early in their marriage due to infidelity.

Cheating over the years has destroyed many families. I strongly believe the divorce rate is so high because many couples did not marry their destiny partner. For those couples, the sign on the wall, "spouse caught cheating" is their sign to leave the; marriage. But for many spouses the sign, "spouse caught cheating"; is pointing them into a totally different direction. The journey of; healing will be painful but it is worth it!

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Cheating Mates: Signs Your Partner Is Having an Affair

Catching a Cheating Spouse

No matter how it happens, finding out your significant other has been unfaithful is traumatic. Knowing some signs to watch for, and acting appropriately when you find out, can help you in the long run. Remember that it's almost never a good idea to confront a spouse or partner you suspect of cheating. Instead, hire a private detective who can discretely provide you with evidence to support or squash your suspicions. Confronting a cheater while your emotions are hot can be catastrophic. While your intentions may be "just to talk" often emotions can make things more physical than you originally designed, and an altercation may result. In some cases, even an exchanging of hurtful words is enough to justify duress and cost you money in divorce proceedings, etc. It's better to be careful and distance yourself after you've noticed any of these signs.

Guys VS Girls

A lot of the signs of cheaters are universal tells that both men and women exhibit. The trick to noticing them then, is to think like the opposite sex. Obviously if you aren't cheating, and you suspect your partner is, there are a lot of things about your relationship that you aren't noticing. Both men and women will tend to change their "going out habits" If your mate doesn't have time to do something with you, but turns right around and wants to do the same activity with another friend, then that's a sign. For example, if they don't want to see a movie with you but they jump at the chance to see that same movie with a friend, then it's possible they are looking to make time with someone new.

Feelings of guilt will make both men and women "nag" more. They want a reason to dislike you or find fault so that their straying is justified. The will nitpick more than usual because of the guilt they have when choosing their new love over you. After they stop feeling guilty about the cheating though, or if they've never felt it at all, they show signs of apathy. Instead of nagging, they have simply stopped caring and pay little to no attention to you. Some men and women even observe this behavior as "autonomous" because they seem to be on "auto-pilot" around you.

Both men and women who cheat also distance themselves from mutual friends and your family. While women tend to do this out of guilt, men tend to do this because they don't want to be caught and often your friends and family will "see" things (behaviors, moods, etc) that you either can't see or don't want to see. If you are noticing your partner ducking out on house parties and family get-togethers, it's a pretty strong sign of a cheater, but you might want use some private detective services to make sure it isn't just some grudge with a friend or family member that's kept them at bay.

Hiring a Detective Service

There is no cut answer to knowing when to hire a private detective. Sometimes, it's just a feeling in your gut or even a rumor that got back to you through friends. Either way, the professional nature and discretion of private detective services will put your mind at ease if your partner has become suspicious, changed their habits, or in any other way started to make you feel uneasy.

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Surviving Infidelity: Baby Steps

Surviving infidelity is never easy, no matter how forgiving any couple may be. Adultery remains the worst offense that any spouse can commit against his partner, since it is a direct assault upon every single principle of the marriage union. In many cases, the offended spouse is so wounded that she can barely stand to be close to her partner. It's no wonder so many instances of adultery lead directly to divorce.

The fact is, however, that spousal cheating need not sound the death knell for the marriage. When couples are committed to working through their problems, reconciliation can be found. It does take hard work, but couples who truly want to rebuild their marriage trust can do so when they use the right strategies for repairing the marriage.

Trust is the single greatest casualty when adultery strikes. To restore trust, the offending spouse has the obligation to take affirmative steps to ensure that his wife knows that he is accountable. He should verbally express that he has failed her, and be resolute in his desire to atone for his mistakes and regain her lost confidence.

This will require a level of transparency that may be new for him. Each time that the couple is separated from one another, the wounded spouse is sure to doubt her husband's faithfulness. The adulterous spouse should understand that feeling, and take great pains to keep his spouse updated as to his whereabouts and activities.

The twosome should also work on their communication. They both need to discuss their feelings, and must do so without fear that they will be judged. The adulterous spouse should work to avoid placing any blame on his partner, since it was his own lack of fealty that led to the affair in the first place.

It is also important to seek sound counsel. Though some couples can survive this process without help, most cannot. Most need to spend time in counseling, where the elements of the relationship can be discussed in an open forum. Furthermore, both partners must recognize that there is no way to pinpoint just how long it will take to rebuild the relationship.

Each case is different, of course, since no two couples are exactly alike. The one commonality shared by all couples is that openness and a spirit of forgiveness are essential if the relationship is to survive. When spouses are committed to restoring their marriage union, however, their chances of surviving infidelity dramatically increase.

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Cheating Spouse? Infidelity Forensic DNA Testing - The Truth Is Out There And Within Your Reach!

DNA testing has recently evolved to help you find the truth and companies like Paternity-USA.com offer accredited DNA testing at affordable prices. Keep in mind when searching for the truth, that there are cheaper products out there that claim they help you catch a cheating spouse, but these products do not provide a true forensic analysis. Unlike these other products that only check for the presence of semen, an analysis through an AABB accredited facility checks for the presence of DNA and actually derives a genetic profile which can be very precisely compared to yours. As with any DNA test, it is highly recommended to work with a company that provides AABB accredited testing.

Dealing with infidelity can be difficult. Many people ask the questions: "how to catch a cheating spouse" or "is he cheating?" Usually when a partner gets suspicious, there are tell-tale signs of cheating. Most commonly, a partner or spouse will wait for a specific time when they think the other may be with someone else. Afterwards, a garment or underwear that may have DNA present from the event, if one has occurred, can easily be obtained. Bodily fluids can leave a visible stain on clothing. The stain, which could be from semen or vaginal fluid, will usually contain genetic material from one or both parties.

Normally, the garment is sent in for forensic analysis along with a control sample from the concerned party. For example, if you suspect your spouse of infidelity, the steps you would take may be the following:

• Collect the garment with the stain. If the garment is wet, be sure to let it dry.
• Cut out the piece with the stain being careful not to touch the stained area so as not to contaminate it with your DNA.
• Store the sample in a paper envelope, not a plastic bag. This will give the garment the ability to "breathe" and thus slow the growth of bacteria which could kill the DNA.
• Order your DNA analysis.
• When the test kit arrives, collect your sample. This is usually done in a buccal or cheek swab.
• Return the kit for analysis.

Once the samples are received in the lab, it usually takes 3-5 business days for testing. The test will check for the presence of male and or female DNA and produce genetic profiles. If DNA is there, it will be compared to the control sample (yours) to determine if it matches. If the DNA does not match your profile, your suspicions may be confirmed.

At times, the analysis produces only one person's DNA. For example, a husband suspects his wife is cheating and sends her panties for analysis. If only the presence of one female's DNA on the garment, it could mean that she is not cheating, did not cheat at that time, or there simply was no other donor DNA that got on the garment. However, if the suspicion is strong he will sometimes proceed with testing another garment, which usually can be done at a discounted rate within a certain timeframe. Or with the absence of another person's DNA, he or she will be satisfied that his wife is not having an affair.

I Am Obsessing About Whether The Woman My Husband Cheated With Will Get What She Deserves

I often hear from wives who are left wondering what will become of the other woman with whom their husband cheated or had an affair. Often, they can't help but admit that they wish her ill will. Because it seems as if she has been able to ruin a lot of lives and get off completely scot-free. They often wonder if she ever get what she deserves.

I heard from a wife who said: "I feel like the other woman doesn't have any price to pay. This woman at my husband's office pursued him relentlessly until they began having an affair. When I found out about the affair, my husband agreed to break it off. However, people at his office found out about the affair and things became very uncomfortable for him at work. His supervisor strongly suggested that he transfer to another position in a different town. He pretty much didn't give my husband any real choice. But guess what? The transfer doesn't pay as much as his old job. And the new town means that we will have to move and that my children will have to go to a new school. My family is just devastated by this. I may have to work rather than stay home with my children just so that we can make ends meet. And guess who was my husband's replacement at his old job? This other woman. So now her life has actually improved while ours has deteriorated horribly. I wonder how this is fair? And I want to know if she is ever going to get what she deserves?" I'll try my best to answer this in the following article.

I do understand how you feel. I was in the same situation and the other woman basically got to skip out of our lives with all of her destruction behind her. But I have to say that I now have a little different perspective. I do sometimes hear from "the other woman" on my blog and I have to tell you that some of them are quite hurt and devastated by the turn of events.

Why It's Probably Not Accurate To Make Assumptions About The Other Woman: Many people assume that the other woman just seamlessly picks up the pieces of her life while the husband's family is shattered and struggling. I can tell you from the emails that I get that this just isn't the case. Sometimes, the other woman feels as if she had no closure whatsoever. She will tell you that one day the husband was completely invested in their relationship and loving but then, once his wife found out, he completely changed and then all of a sudden, there was no further contact allowed. It's as if one second he's there and an active part of her life and then the next second, he's gone. And sometimes when all she wants is an explanation, it's clear that she's not going to get that either. He won't take her calls or see her. So she just has to accept that everything he told her was a lie and that her relationship was a joke. And this process can hurt her.

I am certainly not defending her actions. But, do you see how, even if her day to day life doesn't appear to be impacted, her emotions and her ability to cope certainly are? The truth is, even if you wanted to ask her about what she might have suffered, you probably wouldn't get a straight answer anyway. So you can't possibly know what she is going through. Therefore, it's probably not always accurate to assume that she got off scot - free, although I'm sure that this is true of some women.

Why I Believe That Worrying About Yourself And Allowing The Universe To Handle The Rest Is The Best Way To Proceed: Even if the other woman was living a carefree life, it's likely that you have enough to worry about in your own life. You deserve to be happy once again and you probably can't do this if you are placing all of your focus on her and how she fared. Believe me when I say that I'm not defending her. Infidelity causes so much pain to so many people but the truly innocent party is this scenario is the faithful spouse and the children. So, I tend to have a lot less sympathy for the cheating spouses.

However, with that said, I also know that the family can't begin to heal until the faithful spouse places her focus on exactly that - her healing. And dwelling or wondering about the other woman can delay this process because it keeps the focus on her. I firmly believe that the universe has a way of handing out fairness. Sure, things may not seem all that fair right now. But you have no way in knowing what the future holds. Hopefully, you won't know what her future holds because you will no longer be thinking about her because you will be going on with your own life. And because hopefully you will have healed, you will begin to pick up the pieces of your life and be happy again.

Quite frankly, I so rarely think about the other woman today. And I'm not sure that I even wish her ill. It's not that I hope she's on top of the world (or hurting someone else's family,) but I guess I don't have the right to wish any one ill since I have so many blessings in my own life.

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Five Tips In Coping With Infidelity in Marriage

A lot of women could find it very difficult to face the fact that their partners cheated against them. But if you want to keep the marriage intact despite of what your husband did, you should learn to forgive and forget everything. Here are tips to help you cope at this very difficult moment in your life.

Know the Reasons

The first thing that you should do is to know and understand the reason behind your husband's infidelity. Is it because of your lack of time for each other, or was it because you did something that triggered him to become unfaithful to you? Whatever the reasons are, you must know and understand how you can address these issues so it will not happen again.

Ask Help from Friends

Seeing their husband with someone else is the most painful thing that a wife will have to experience in their entire life. The best way to recover from such pain is to ask help from friends, because they are the best persons that could guide you through the path of recovery. So when you finally get healed from the pain, then it's time to talk to your husband and find out how the two of you could fix the issues so this will no longer happen again.

Do Something to Boost Your Ego

You might feel so bad for yourself in knowing that your husband had cheated on you, and you might think that you are just so ugly. The best way to address this is to look for ways to boost your ego, and the best way to this is to beautify yourself in a parlor and spa and to go shopping and treat yourself for some designer dresses and shoes. Your partner will surely regret what he did after he sees you in your very best.

Sit Down and Talk

After you have cooled down for awhile, it's time that you talk to your spouse on how you could work things out. You should open up to him about your decision to keep the marriage intact and make him assure you that he will no longer be making the same mistakes all over again. You should also discus to him seriously about how you two could resolve these challenges that you are facing.

Do Not Hang Out With the Wrong People

It's unfortunate that some women make the mistake of hanging out with the wrong people just so they could recover from the pain as a result of their husband's infidelity. But if your goal is to make the marriage to last forever, then you must avoid things that you knew is not good for you. Aside from being a bad influence on you, they tend to give you wrong advice which will just make things worse.

It's never easy to recover from the pain that's brought about by your husband's infidelity. However, if you are determined to make your marriage last for a lifetime, then you must learn to forgive your spouse and forget everything that happened. Trust is a very important aspect in your marriage, so you should work hard in bringing back the trust that you once have for your husband.

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Coping With Infidelity: Some Ideas On What To Do

Coping with infidelity may be difficult, but it can be accomplished if you refrain from making common errors. Couples may fix the destruction caused by the extramarital relationship by following certain methods. This process may reinforce the bond between you and your partner, enhancing your marriage in aspects that were never present before the infidelity occurred.

When you discover that your spouse has been unfaithful, you may feel an array of emotions. Although you may want to, avoid telling your family and friends because they may spread gossip and rumors or make judgments, which can harm you both. Casting blame should also be avoided because all that does is build further anger and resentment.

Remaining calm and telling your partner how you feel about his or her betrayal is the best thing you can do. Although your emotions may be volatile, it is vital to refrain from lashing so that you may listen and discover why he or she betrayed you. He or she might have committed adultery for several reasons and may feel terrible for hurting you.

The next course of action entails your presence when your partner communicates with the third party to sever their relationship. In order to avoid any verbal confrontations with the lover, contact should be done via email. After the message is sent, your spouse should provide you his or her login information for every account that he has online, along with bank statements and credit cards. This will show you that he is sorry and willing to work together to preserve your marriage.

Purchase books that focus on forgiveness and adultery and read them after you are prepared to handle the subject. You can find a variety of books that may assist you in working through your emotions, plus the steps required to restore your relationship. Jot down any questions about the affair and compose yourself before you begin asking them.

Find a reputable marriage counselor who meets your financial and other obligations. A reputable therapist may give you techniques for communicating better to enable both of you to resolve emotional problems as well as enhance different facets of your marriage. Therapy sessions may span a year or more until both of you feel certain that a resolve has been met.

Applying these techniques may assist you in coping with infidelity. These techniques may also restore your relationship so that it is healthier. You may notice significant improvements that never existed before the infidelity occurred.

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